She was different and that always attracted me. Compared to the other conservative, mostly cute girls at this small midwestern university, she was more aloof, dressed in a more sophisticated way, and carried herself with a sort of slow moving regal grace. Once, in a class, I watched her glide in and take her seat. It was as if it were choreographed. Stoop down, put bag on floor, arrange notebook and pen on desk. All in a sort of rhythm that I doubt she was even conscious of… Arrange skirt, lower into chair, pivot towards the front of the room, fluff hair, cross legs. 1,2,3,123 all in a cadence. And no backpack. Please. How does a woman wear a nice outfit and put a backpack over it? She was somewhat tall, had long red hair, green eyes and a young man waiting to be her slave.
She did notice me, she was reserved but not unfriendly. Still her smile conveyed nothing more than a greeting. I could discern neither interest or a lack thereof. This of course made me crazy. Believing in the adage that you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, it was only a matter of time before I had a go and asked her out. But then something happened.
She had a brother, a twin maybe even. He had that same reserved bearing. Also aloof, also not unfriendly. We were in a play together and I would joke with him occasionally in the dressing room or backstage. I don’t recall him talking much with anyone else.
And then he took his life, he was no more than 20. His sister was not in class for awhile… And then she was. I noticed nothing different in her demeanor, but how could I have asked her out? She was quiet, so her social life was a bit of a mystery. Maybe she would have liked a friend just then. Someone to eat lunch with. Maybe she was disappointed I never asked her out, who knows. Given what had happened I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.
I was on a waiting list to get a room in a better dorm. Soon after her brother passed a room came open. It took awhile for me to realize why.
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Great article!
Thank you!